Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
