In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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