So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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