Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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