someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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