Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
