i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Edward fifth and chaser hands
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
