Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
