Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
