Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
