Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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