somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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