Having a random hookup so left but love u
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
