im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You are the jesus of drinking
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
