She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
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I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
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In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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