I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
