Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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