Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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