don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
