Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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