I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
