I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
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Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
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Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
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