my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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