May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
