Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Let's get the cat blown out
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
