yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
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Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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