In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..