Umm I'm too high to move.
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now