i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it