so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
