I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
please come you make the beer taste better
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
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its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
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S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.