Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(513): View more from Ohio

some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving

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(507): View more from Minnesota

The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.

(1-609): View more from New Jersey

Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.

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(480): View more from Arizona

so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic

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These 25 Rude People Ruined Movies for Everyone Else
Read it at the TFLN blog
(716): View more from New York

You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.

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(709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.

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(630): View more from Illinois

Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down

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(630): View more from Illinois

I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.

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