Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Randomize
