Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
