I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
