if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
