dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
