My hand turned me down
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
