Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Randomize
