dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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