I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
