put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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