I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
