my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
