She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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