Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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