I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
