no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
