Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
