Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
