i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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