So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
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One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
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Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize