dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
