so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
