is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
