This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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