If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
why do cheetos always look like penises
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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