I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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