True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
