ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
