You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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