her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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