I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
