3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
