by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
