the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
