Apparently you make a good broom.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
