I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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