the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
